Fuck it!

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like saying FUCK IT? Well today ,for me, is that day.. I am sick of pretentious fukkers only nice because they want something or you just happen to fit into their schedule. I am tired of advertising being vulgarly thrown in my face day in and day out. I am sick of American propaganda and British for that matter. ANy type. I am sick of everyone wanting a piece of me and nothing left for myself.. I miss myself. I am tired of having to dodge monster 4 x 4 s while entering the schoool ground while 1 parent lets off their 1 child while driving up onto the path. I am tired of all the nice talk, that seems hollow and repulsive. What happened to meaningful conversations? thought provoking conversations? I am tired of hearing awful news headlines, why cant they print happy ones. Why are we a society that seem to relish and even provoke malice? Where is the hearts? Love? decency? What happened to the good of men? We have becone a savage race, where it seems only the strong and violent only survive. It reminds of the film i saw years ago called '15 minutes'. Its all so true. This saddens me.. Makes me want to say fuck it.. Why bother when words fall on deaf ears, or actions are fraught with complacency. FUck you to the politicians with their empty promises, fuck you to the bastard that threw his innocent child over a bridge, fuck you to all the hollow, money grabbing leeches,Fuck you to all the bankers that reaped rewards for so long and now making everyone suffer, fuck you to all the war mongers, fuck you for driving so close behind me willing to endanger my children, fuck you for being closed minded, fuck you to all the ignorant racists, fuck you fuck you fuck you!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Do you think I might BE pre-menstral?
kx

reflections

Having needed a bit of a break I finally booked my holiday! I am going skiing! SOD IT. I was going to take my daughter on a holiday with me but it is far to cold to enjoy new york this time of the year. So will do that in the Fall.

I have stareted organising bits and pieces for the gardens and arts, which will be exciting.. I have decided to embark on a chilli fest for all the local mums as they have gone down rather well. But I will incorporate hiddenitems in the paintingas well. I just have to or it wouldnt be fun for me.

I have been rough sketching a few ideas for reference. hehe I am not sharing them right now either..

Oh yes back to the skiing .. so I am catching a flight back with my mother to Van. 7 days only and most are already booked up with friends and skiing so no time for anything else.. I will be shattered but I can sleep on the plane, kid free, so what do I care. Another friend has arranged a wine tasting day with him and his wife. I cant wait now. I shall be pissed and sore!

I seem to have a studio of paintings in limbo at various stages of DRYING.. oils are so lovely but they do take ages to dry.

well I am just rambing about nonsense, but thought I should check in. After all when you start a blog, you really should keep it up.

kx

beautiful

How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December's bareness everywhere!
~William Shakespeare, "Sonnet XCVII"

Sussex Life Magazine

Karma?

As I flick through the pages of the newpaper, glance across the headlines, looking for some real news. Not gossip or speculations, which there is an abundance of. Who cares if so and so had a tit job! I come across the all familiar headlines. Company closes or makes redundances. Now most of these companys, in the last ten years have seen bumper profits. The fat cats raking it in and driving around in their fancy cars. The prices so high in these shops that the average person could not shop there all the time. And at no time did these companys pass on any savings to the public, except for christmas when they wanted to get rid of their stock. And then that was brief. So why now are these same companys, that readily took our money, wanting us to bail them out? Why should we? Half of the British institutional companies are not even British anymore. The banks who had promised security and interest profits are the same. So years ago, when my nan moaned about banks not being safe and hiding her money in a chest under the bed. She was right. Of course at the time I though she was barking mad and asking for trouble, but Iwas raised where we all trusted banks. Nothing had happened during my lifetime to suspect otherwise. So now what? Where do we put our money? In the chest? Invest? in what? spend and throw caution to the wind. My nan did this as well. She always said she couldnt take it with her when she died so why not. After all money and religion are a cause of a lot of trouble. Perhaps she was right. BUt then I have these values instilled in me at a young age, save save save. future pension..... but they have all gone tits up as well. hmmmmmmmmmm that is the second time I have used the word 'tit'. Anyway, so what the hell should I do? Open twenty bank accounts and spread it about seems like the answer for now. I guess..........

Yesterday I painted in the studio all afternoon. I was finishing off works and beginning new ones. By the time I emerged it was pitch black out. I could barely see my way back to the house. I even thought I may have stepped on a hedgehog on my way back. But when I looked this morning there was nothing there..

Apparently there is a lovely photo in the Sussex Times of Aria and I from my last show. Will have to have a peek when I pop out next. I will scan it and put it up..

Oh yes on another note I have started the process of the girls and odd camp blokes artists group.

BRIGHTHELMSTONE ARTISTS GUILD>

That is the old name for Brighton. I have bought the domain and have sufficent webspace to creat a fab site. I will be starting with a core few and working my way from there. It will be for artist in and around Brighton.

Right must run
kxx

The Drive

Well since I cannot think of anything really mind altering, I thought I must just rant. Today I had to drive up to Oxford. I could have gone through Guildford and taken hours or go rather quickly via the M25. Of course I decided to throw caution to the wind and take the M25. Luckily the roads were quite clear. But I did wonder if I would crack yet another windshield on the M25. It seems everytime I go up there, this happens. It is the bloody trucks, when they keep changing lanes. But this time , I am happy to report I have mine intack. Everything seems nicer in oxfordshir and buckinghamshire. Even the Mcdonalds. Yes I did pop in there. But in my defense I had an eleven year old with me, who kept insisting we just make a quick stop. SO of course who am i to say no. A trip to Mcdonalds is rather like sex when your a teenager, in a strange way. Your appetite is so strong and you order enough to fill your belly. Its great going down but afterwards you are left reeling, why on earth did i bother. Big Tasty, my ass! After you have eaten the thing, tasty is last thing on my mind. And I promptly felt sick as a dog. Of course back then we were all doing it wrong! Anyway, I now know all the latest Katy Perry tunes and all the songs from High School Musical 3. I even was suckered into stopping off to get a new wii game. Mind you, I do enjoy that myself. Wonder if I will get in the studio tomorow?
hope soooooooooooooooooooo

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So today I was in the studio. It was bloody freezing, so i put the heat on and went back to the house. When i went back it was nice and toasty. I started to do some backgrounds for some works I need to finish. Then went about to work on some clouds.. ALways the clouds.. I could spend ages on these, just to get the right feeling in them. AFter a few hours, I decided it was time to varnish a couple of ones that have been setting and drying. This is the trouble with oils, as beautiful as they are they are bloody time consuming and take ages to dry.
Well, I usually start with a spray varnish, then in about a weeks time I will use tinned varnish. I suppose the spray just sets it more. Anyway, I forgot to open a window and went a bit mad. when I finally stood up I was as high as a kite and short of a few more brain cells I am sure. Cannot do that again, silly sod..
I stumbled back tot he house and realised I had not eaten so grabbed myself some stew I had made yesterday. So really, the high as a kite, thing could have been lack of food or the varnish. AH , who cares.................
I think I might sneak down there tonight for a midnight paint when all is quiet....

1. must take new photos
2. open window
3. turn my energy inward
4. eat!


the swing and the tree:

tall and baron, swaying in the wind,
thinking of the horrors one has sinned,
full of sorrow and regret,
wish they might have never met.
pushing ahead and falling back,
once in a while I hear a crack.


yet to be finished........................

The Last Day

Well today I have stayed in my jammies all day. This is the last day of dossing before the start of the school run. That means, rain or shine, I shall have to walk them. Early rising as well. AGH. The making of the lunches, gym bags, hectic activities after school..................................But, the good thing is they are gone all day and I can paint. So yet again the balance has shifted. I am off to the art supply place to get a few canvases first. Then laminate a few signs, and get my commissions in order of priority, started. Last night I watched the Assassination of Jesse James. Had I known how lengthy it was, I might not have watched it. I was tired before I started. But I guess it meeded to be to convey the story properly. They had some most amazing sky shots in the film. So much so I have cemented the images in my head and hope to begin a recreation of sorts. All of my seascapes and clouds all come from my head. I had always hoped to find an awe inspiring photo but couldnt so I just had to conjure them up myself. Tweaking them until I feel they look right. I think this may be one of those cases, because no way am I going to be able to get a still from that film. The depth of the stormy clouds was amazing. The colours,,,,..... I am going to give it a go anyway.

I know this has been a week long of gluttony, but still I am missing my favourite dessert. Tiramisu! Truly who ever thought of such a lavish dish should be named Sir something. I am soooo sick of Christmas pudding, thankgod it is only once a year. I think that is another thing to add to my list tomorrow. GET SELF TIRAMISU.. Notice I said Self, No way am I sharing it. ALL MINE!

hmmmmmmmmmm

Well going now.kx

A New Year

Well the new year is here. I did not do any resolutions as I know I would not be able to keep them! I did, however, consider a few. The usual dont drink as much or eat as much crap of course. But my main one would have been to apply myself better. Although this seems a hard task as I seem to have so much on my plate again. I am planning a trip of knowledge for my daughter and myself. I did toy with the idea of a skiing holiday but as I have not been ages I am sure I will just end up in plaster. So now I am thinking where? Mum, of course suggested I join her on their cruise. It does sound nice but I still cannot shake this idea of old, over weight foreigners troughing at buffets. Also Aria I am sure, would never forgive me. New York, Rome, Barcelona, or further afield? Or do we just forget the knowledge and go and hang on a beach? hehe If truth be told I thinking New York. I have a few friends there I can pop in and visit as well. I will wait to closer to the time. hmmmmmmmmmm........

The countdown til I am in lockdown is soon.. 3 sleeps... seems a journey away.

I am also going to start the new book. It is something I have been gathering all the information for. Trains.... haha yes you read right. Once long ago there was a station in Henfield and I have in my posession , many old photographs. It will be a coffee table book. But full of old stories from the ones that worked there.

g'night
kx